I am at the point where I know that I need to find some people to hang out with. Some women who share some similar interests that I do. I feel as if staying at home is such a blessing, but at the same time a curse. God has truly blessed me by allowing me to stay at home and raise AJ in the way that I like, even if it will probably be only for a brief time. However, I have not found the tools to keep myself occupied in a fashionable manner. There are things that I'd like to do, I've even started a list of "What to do in my life".
However, I do not know if I am just lazy, or if I have started the early stages of Agoraphobia. Its not that I'm SCARED of going out, maybe its more of not knowing what the heck to do, and being afraid of making myself look like an idiot to those in public. Its amazing that I used to work sales and used to cater. I know that when I do work, I absolutely love talking to people, getting to know them, and making a good sale that is right for them. I love making food for an event look completely exquisite, but now? I just don't know!!! It's almost like I have changed so much and become so numb to myself that I don't know myself at all anymore.
I'm on a search. A search to redefine myself as a person. To sharpen my mind, to make myself known again to the outside world. I just pray that this won't be as hard as I fear!
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