China + Suppressed Society = Sex Theme Park!!!!!

Now, being a follower of wacky news, I came about this story about China opening its first "sexually explicit" theme park. It is called "Love Land" (not to be confused with one of Michael Jackson's places!!) and I totally want to go. Something about sitting on a Penis Bench and playing games that end with mannequins in humerous and numerous sexual positions and washing your hands on top of somebody's BOOTY totally calls my name.

To check out the story, go to http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,520290,00.html

Am I a pervert? No, I don't think so. Curious enough to google about Love Land while my son has glorious amounts of snot running down his nose? YES. Now that snot is on my sweat pants and I am still smiling at the thoughts of the not so hot Kama Sutra statues of overweight women and somewhat hairy men.....

Google it. You know you want to.

I feel like crappity bappity....

My jaw feels like its been wired shut and has been for about 3 days now. It is raining outside and AJ doesn't have a rain jacket. My head feels like a bottle of burbon has been IVed into my blood stream. (and I didn't drink yesterday!) My kid has this fantastic high pitched scream he does now whenever he doesn't get his way. And my house smells like a mix between dog food and Scott's farts. Delicious.

A fine way to start a weekend!!

So yesterday I was expecting an airplane to fall into my roof. It was one of those days. You know-- one of those dryer is broken, kids are screaming, head is pounding, poop out of pants (TWICE!!!), routine is messed up completely, hand got bitten kind of days. There were so many delightful things that went wrong with my day yesterday that I can't even remember.

However, in the light of it all it ended gracefully and wonderful. My brother and sister in law came over last night and we partied a poor man's party with tacos, miller lights, and some upper class woodchucks thrown in the mix. We laughed, got exasperated with the world, and just had some great conversation. I don't know about you, but in my opinion that is so much better than any money spent on an extravagant night out I ever have!!

And today, I think it is going to be a stay in your pjs until one, finish the book I'm reading, NOT WORK OUT kind of day. We were going to go over to my fantastic Granny's house today so that Drew could do some painting, however the rain that attributes to my head pounding is putting that off until further notice. Mmmmmmm..... what more relaxation can I endure today??? I may even have a bath......

The Sound of Silence... mixed with a guilty obsession...

So as I sit here, moments away from doing my grueling one hour daily workout, I am enjoying the bliss of having a clean house and a quiet house....

AJ is sleeping..... *AMEN!!!*

Anyway, I've got a confession to make. A quiet, guilty confession of what I cannot hide anymore....

I am obsessed with books. Reading them, buying them, collecting them.... something that ALWAYS makes me happy is having a GREAT BIG PILE of books that still need to be opened, to be read, to be treasured. I tell everybody if they are at a stump on what to get me for a Christmas or birthday present, to get me a gift card to Barnes & Noble.

Have I told anybody how beautiful I think that store is? The beautiful smell of untouched paper... the crisp off white pages of books just waiting to be explored by somebody as appreciative as I am.... mmm its the smell of peace. And the silence of dedicated readers.... mixed with the slight aroma of Starbucks' coffee. I sure do hope that heaven has a Barnes & Noble.

Notice all those dot dot dots? Those are the dot dot dots of a dream to splurge at that store, unbiasedly, not worrying about money, not realizing that every book you want has at least a $15 price tag on them.... its a dream. A confession. An obsession....

*BASH!* stupid! *BASH!* sinuses!!!!!!

Ok, so this weekend has been CRAZY and it is only 2:45. Last night we took AJ to the park for the FIRST TIME to let him play. Let me tell you, my kid is freakin AWESOME to play with. He did attach himself to me thinking he was a kangaroo at first because he is so shy, however, about 10 minutes of me talking with another mom while holding him, he was OFF. In that picture he was actually laughing and talking to me, teasing me, you know, being a typical Gliebe. It was a blast.

And today he is over at his Grandma Sue's house for a bit, to play catch up. Since she is now NOT doing taxes 24/7 I can start having some "ME" time on the weekends and he can have some "HER" time. The great part about all of this is after I pick him up, we will immediately go to a party where he will rock until he drops.

And so tomorrow will be Mother's Day. I hope that Drew did NOT get me anything due to our financial troubles. I however DO hope that I get to sleep in a bit and be lazy before our CRAZY day of being at church, mom & dads, and Karen's. Woohoo, WHAT FUN!!!!!!!

oh tab key, how I miss thee.....

So due to an accidental spillage of Coke Zero on my (err I mean Drew's) keyboard, we had to revert back to the old keyboard that we used to have. The one with the broken tab key. I did not realize how much I used the tab key until I tried logging into everything, started posting on random spots, etc etc. Booo... it sucks. Anybody have a apple keyboard that they do not use anymore?


on A BRIGHTER NOTE!!!!!! Jen Lancaster's "Pretty in Plaid" came out today!!!! I just *hope* that my prereleased copy will come in the mail tomorrow, because I am almost done with the book that I am reading now so I can indulge into some sarcasm, wit, and footnotes. Here is one of my favorite blurps from her website, jennsylvania.com as a "closing statement"



""""Dear Paul Rudd, I Am Only Funny Inside My Own Head

Setting: The family room, approximately one second after Fletch has come in the door from work this evening.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Guess what?" I exclaim.

Fletch is automatically wary. "Can I guess after I take my coat off?"

"Um, okay." I pause for a millisecond before pouncing on him again. "Guess what? Guess what?"

His sigh is barely perceptible, yet still surprisingly heavy. "Do you want me to guess or are you just going to tell me?"

"I'll just tell you. My friend got a freelance job doing an interview with Paul Rudd!" (Whom I love SO MUCH.)

"Nice!"

"Yeah, and instead of doing my own work, I've spent the last hour creating pretend emails that she should send to him, like 'Dear Paul Rudd, As part of my research, my editor requires us to make out.' And "Dear Paul Rudd, we're going to need an additional photo for your feature. Might you have any where you're not wearing pants? (Profile is fine.)'" And, "Dear Paul Rudd, what exactly are your thoughts about swinging? You know, hypothetically.'"

Fletch appraises me with a gimlet eye. "Since when do you write anything even vaguely suggestive?"

"Since never. But it's so damn funny."

He shakes his head. "Yeah, not so much."

Well, then, you know what Fletch really isn't going to find funny?

When I prepare an entire dinner while speaking out loud in imaginary letters to Paul Rudd in lieu of actual conversation.

"Dear Paul Rudd, Stacey and I are getting massages and having high tea tomorrow. Can I have $200?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, How do I roast a chicken?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, Remember the last time I roasted a chicken and I accidentally did it upside down and then I almost felt too sad to eat him once he was cooked because he looked too much like a hostage in that position?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, Do you know what happened to the extra bottle of olive oil?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, How come I set the alarm off every morning after Fletch goes to the gym? Am I punching the numbers in too slowly? Or too fast?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, Can you introduce me to Seth Rogan? But just as friends, okay? I find his hair unattractive."

"Dear Paul Rudd, Can you please option one of my books so you can play Fletch, so if we have to make out it won't be cheating because you'll just be getting into character?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, If I were to buy a demi-baguette and accidentally eat it all before you had any, would you also call me The Cookie Monster, only for French bread?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, I found the olive oil."

"Dear Paul Rudd, Do you also think I'm passive-aggressive for licking Fletch's wine glass on Thanksgiving because he wasn't being properly sympathetic to how much I was suffering with my cold?"

"Dear Paul Rudd, I was not aware I was 'braying like a jackass' every time I say 'Dear Paul Rudd.'"

"Dear Paul Rudd, I promise to stop speaking in imaginary letters if Fletch stops hiding downstairs."

(Although, honestly, I think it was the lure of a freshly roasted chicken that brought him back from the depths of the basement rather than any false promises on my part.)

Anyway, if you'd like to comment on this entry, it must be in the form of a letter to Paul Rudd.

(P.S. Dear Paul Rudd, I know. I know. And I'm sorry, but I don't actually have a day job that I shouldn't quit.)"""""""

iiitttsss been a minute!!!

Well, sad to say, I did have a whole blog post written down old- school style for when our computer was acting up. However, my laziness level is up to a 10 today, so therefore I will post it at a later date.

There have definitely been some fun times in the past week!!! The top moment was of course on Wed, which was the lovely miss jessie's 25th birthday!!! I've never had so much fun and so many laughs at a Plaza before. To top it off, we had the most amazing non mexican mexican waiter ever-- his name was Daniel. He did not get a good tip from me because I did NOT receive my half shot of tequila since it was my birthday the Wed. prior that! *sigh* Jess-- remind me to go to Plaza NEXT YEAR and ask to be seated in his section. I will make him pay!!!!!!


Friday we had the pleasure of being accompanied by my kick ass nephew, Peter. He makes AJ laugh like that one baby that dad has saved on his phone. If you know my dad, then you know what I am talking about-- that laugh is so contagious he lets everybody he knows listen to it! As a Thank You for us saving Karen and Adele from hearing Peter complain the whole time they were at this Cinco De Mayo on The Dos, they bought us wonderful cinnamony churros. Which Leon promptly ate about 3 our of the 5 of, and farted sweet foul farts for the rest of the night.

Anyway, on Saturday we did the ULTIMATE TASK. We cut my beautiful baby's hair!!!!!!! There is the before and after shot. Drew tended to make fun of me a lot that day because I did not keep a lock of hair from him..... I kept the whole pile off the floor!!!! You have to be a mom to understand. Or me. Whatever.



There is that beautiful pile of hair... I later wrote the date, time, and place of which the deed was done...

Saturday was going to be a pretty hectic day for us. We were going to shop for a Birthday Present for olivia's ultimate first birthday bash, go to peter's baseball game, come home, take a quick nap, then go to Olivia's party. However, we got a frantic phone call from my sister in law, Karen. She took Peter to the ER because he couldn't get out of bed-- he was feeling uber crappy and was showing FLU LIKE SYMPTOMS. Now-- unless you live on Antarctica, then you should know about the piggy flu that is going around. Soooooo naturally, we decided to keep to ourselves, indoors, and frantically go around Lysol-ing everything we could think of that Peter may, or may not have touched. Then I promptly called Tara and told her, while we had a great present bought for Olivia, we are giving her the best birthday present EVER by not contaminating her with our possible flu-carrying germs. She thanked me about a hundred times and we then parted ways off the phone with a promise of a playdate with the future Mr. and Mrs. Gliebe (We totally support prearranged marriages.)

Well, that is a short update. I would be frantic today, however, I got to have the pleasure of having a DAY TO MYSELF with no Megan, no going to Laurels, and Drew being at work for a little while!!! Will I resist the temptation of going on ebay and buying something? We.... will.... see.....